you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
