So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
