omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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