Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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