I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
