dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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