The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
