I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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