Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
