I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mom said you looked used
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
