my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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