Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
