Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
