Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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