i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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