Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
