Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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