holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
