I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
