Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
