I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
