o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
