I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
