what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
