Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
