I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
