So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
