Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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