Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
