he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
