you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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