Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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