definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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