I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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