MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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