the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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