Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is Oprah even human
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
