So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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