My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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