How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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