well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
