Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
