well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
