I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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