they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
