I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
