Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
