I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
