If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
only you would photoshop your dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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