Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
