woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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