I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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