I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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