Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
