I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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