turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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