Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
