I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
