brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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