is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
