My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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