I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
