maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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