If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
