You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
