She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
