I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
