I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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