proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
