What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
