Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im about as happy as oj after his trial
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
