I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
