We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
