Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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