I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
